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Monday, February 2, 2009

:: Sigh :: I'm not as good at this as I said I'd be...







** My friend Jayce wanted to see a pic of me in highschool** There I am-- 12th grad... lol 17 year old jae-- that was 9 years ago :) (not a very good pic.. but that was me:)-- The other side is me in COLLEGE... I have SO MUCH MORE color now... lmao-- GEEZ I was pale! (the first one is a lighting issue-- second one... I'm just yella)


-- haha... So, I'm not as good at this as I thought I'd be... The ex-girlfriend to friend role is gonna take some practice.

Today -- exie JF-- messaged me to see if I was alright in light of the ice/snow storm that's crippled my state. Told him I was good and that I'd only lost power for 3 hrs. Chit chat chit chat... He says... guess what... I'm having twins...

::deep burning in the pit of my stomach:: ::vomit rising in my throat:: ::unexpected tears welling up::

I type, "WOW! That's so great! You really hit the lottery on this one! :) You're gonna get that big family you wanted :)" ( I mean it tho... I don't say things I don't mean.... well not typically)

Next message from him:::: "haha, no I'm just kidding, there's just one in there. lol"
Now I wanna kill him. But really, it's my fault right? I'm giving off the impression that I'm alright when really, I'm not ready for the "friendship" that we're building. I should just tell him that I can't do it right now. That it makes me nauseous to hear about him and this broad and their spawn (now that was mean, she's probably very sweet). But I don't I continue to be supportive, because that's how I am w/ my friends...

I want us to be friends, in the worst way... but it causes my two steps forward to just gone one step back... It hurt... but not as bad as it would have previously...

ugh. oh well it's whatever ya know.. Why does it take women so much longer to get over love than it does men? I don't like that! lol

7 comments:

NightFall914 said...

Experience tells me that you HAVE to give yourself time away from a situation or you'll never make that progress effectively.
You're making it too easy on him. :/

NightFall914 said...

OH and LOL @ "Spawn"

JaeSpenc said...

you're right... I do need time away... next time he messages me, we'll have to discuss it.

Ceecee said...

Girl- I could write a book on what you're speaking on- I too hate that it takes us longer to get over love....ugh

Young woman on a journey said...

hey, wanted to give you my new blog address: http://sumahardroute.blogspot.com/

girl, if you aren't ready to be friends, then don't do it. it'll only make you feel worse, particularly when he seems to be doing just fine while you struggle with your feelings.

All-Mi-T [Thought Crime] Rawdawgbuffalo said...

lol dont kill him

rawdawgbuffalo

JaeSpenc said...

lol... I won't kill him just yet... lol kidding... I'm actually ok now... :)