*HI-- Welcome to the "BOX"--

You get so used to your surroundings and the things that you encounter w/n your life everyday, that you begin to run on ‘auto pilot’. You stop noticing the houses springing up, the new neighbors, even stores opening and closing. There’s not true “mask” simply a symptom of going through the “motions”. The BIGGER side of this, is believing that in your routine, you are doing the same thing that others are doing in theirs. Spontaneity lost, and even the realization that another “way”, “culture”, or “lifestyle” exists is lost.

… Living INSIDE the box…

Today I realized that I am living INSIDE the box. My town has a population of 5000 my county not much more. I live in the country ( which is nice for some), and have lost touch w/ my culture, my ‘people’, and the opportunities that are out there for me to become ‘involved’. It’s disheartening. It’s disappointing. It’s smothering.

I joked with my friend Jayce the other day that a lot of the people that read his blog are “beautiful women. Very ‘hip hop.’” I laughed at myself after that because I realized how UN-hiphop I am… lol. I was jealous. I think I ask Jayce (and other big city friends of mine) about urban terms everyday.Usually they laugh at me. They say I’m “cute” ( not in a good way but in that ’awww look at this imbecile’ kinda way). They tell me things, only to get hit w/ a new question. I don’t know much ’slang’ or urban terminology, and generally refer to things by either their literal name, or by some term we use here in KY. It’s not that I’m dumb (because my intelligence is something I pride myself on), It’s that I’m never in a situation where I am exposed to these things.

In a perfect world, I’d pack up and move to Philly tomorrow ( I fell in love w/ this city as I was passing through on my way to A.C). I’d go for total emersion into ‘hip-hop’ culture and just LIFE! Scared to death, I’d attempt to make new friends while sticking out like a sore thumb. Slowly but surely I’d become more adept to how life is outside of the country., leave behind my comfy shoes for stilettos’ (not really), and my nice slacks for a hot black dress ( umm AFTER weight-loss).

::sigh:: Perhaps my bigger fear is that my little one will grow up as sheltered as I am. She’ll feel as uncomfortable around what should be ‘home’ as her mom. I guess we have to become citizens of the world, and not just our OUR world. Being aware of what’s going on outside is only part of the solution… being APART of it, is the rest…

… I vow to break out of this damn box…