** Yeah, if you need THIS... our relationship is ALREADY OVER! LMAOOOOO*

Ohhhkay... I was looking at a website called The INQUISITR, solely because they were talking about the BACON EXPLOSION((pictured above) (which I'd love to eat... but w/ 5000 cals, I'm pretty sure it's not in my immediate future)). My attention span is like half a second long and in NO TIME I saw the ad for the BELOW contraption... HAHAHAHAHAH What?!

This is called the "Love Trainer", and when worn during sex, is supposed to "coach" you to reaching your optimal level of providing your partner w/ pleasure... As per the website, it says things like this (no joke)

"The foreplay, will now begin!

Please confirm the heart rate sensor!

Your stamina will be evaluated!

The lovemaking, will now begin!

Following the beat, make love much harder!

You are making love, at a very good pace!

Making love a bit more gentler, would be perfect!

Well done! Let’s make love more regularly"

::blank stare:: ::Bursting out into huge belly laugh:: BWAAAAAAaaahahahahahahah WHAT?!?!
If you need this thing... it's pretty much over for us. If you need positive affirmation during your scrogg session, your woman is a lame-o. Her moans, screams and other sounds of pleasure should let you know what's good and what's umm... not doing it for her....

AND LOOK AT THE CONTRAPTION! Definately not attractive... while you're hovering over her bumpin' and grindin' who's gonna be able to keep the earpiece in?! I'm just sayin'... If I get hit in the eye w/ a damn bluetooth-esque piece of equiptment while I'm trynna reach my level... I'm gonna be pissssssssed... lol

Ugh... at the end of the day, I wish I had stuck w/ the Bacon explosion... hahaha seriously folks.

P.S (Yayyy Jayce!!! I'm linking effectively!!! whoooo hoooo :) )