Tonight, as I milled through all the pictures on my desktop... I noticed something. There were SEVERAL pictures of me (duh)... MANY of my friends... TONS of my daughter... family, etc... and there were a FEW pictures of my "ex". NOW... the thing I noticed... was the look in our eyes. The look in HIS eyes and MINE in different pictures around the same period of time...
dead.
There were some where i could just see immense saddness behind my deep brown peepers. And in his, I read anger, frustration, and just the fact that he was 'gone'.
The crazy thing is... as I texted him earlier and decided that we definately needed to be friends ( Because he REALLY IS a phenomenal FRIEND ), I realized just how long I'd realized that we weren't each other's "the one"... These pictures served to help me pinpoint that timeline... We were together (off and on ) for what I'll call a year and a half... I realized that he wasn't the one...
1 1/2 months into the relationship.
This brings me to the question, why do we (or I) choose to hold onto something when we KNOW it's not right? Why do we hinder ourselves by allowing a misfit piece to just lay on top of the puzzle... blocking the ACTUAL placemaker settle? Security? A need not to "lose"? For me, those things had ALOT to do with it. I hate to lose. I was in love (yep... that soon... I'd fallen for him.) for the FIRST TIME EVER... and I didn't want to lose that "ooey gooey" feeling. but the thing is... Idid... I lost it... 1 1/2 months in.
Anywhooooo... the saddness in my eyes... it shook me.
2 comments:
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wow you said a mouthful- this really hits home for me- I went through this last year- about a 1 1/2 in that something was wrong but for whatever reason I kept it- Im now determined to NEVER let something go any longer than it should once I know it really won't work!
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