** Ummm... You're SUSPECT!**

SO...

This morning on my way to work, I was reminiscing about ... well .. I'm pretty sure you know about what... and for WHATEVER reason, I began thinking of what the signs would be that your boyfriend was " Suspect " (in this case meaning, possibly gay/bi-sexual).

....

I remember my most recent ex and I were hanging out in "our" house in TX. I was coming out of the shower post-coitus and-- ummm-- to my suprise he had on a pair of my panties

::blank stare::

"Ummm.. honey.. Seriously? Why do you have on my undies?!"... him, " Hahahahaha... "

WHAT?!

-- so I let that go--

Same trip... different day... I walk out into the kitchen... and he's like 4 inches taller... I'm scratching my head... I look down... He's got on a pair of my heels... Ummm what?! "honey... why are you wearing my shoes?" him... " hahahahah... " Me, " you're suspect."-- He's pissed...

I let that shit drop both times... but it almost makes me think I dodged a bullet... For future references of any man who may like me, never... ever ever... EVER ever ever... EEEEEEEEEver ever ever Let me catch you in any article of clothing that belongs to me. ESPECIALLY my panties and heels.

:sigh:

Am I crazy? Or was that suspect? Is that something dudes do w/ their girls when they get comfortable?! They try on their underoos?

(I so hope he never ever finds this blog...lol)

The Eyes Have It

Tonight, as I milled through all the pictures on my desktop... I noticed something. There were SEVERAL pictures of me (duh)... MANY of my friends... TONS of my daughter... family, etc... and there were a FEW pictures of my "ex". NOW... the thing I noticed... was the look in our eyes. The look in HIS eyes and MINE in different pictures around the same period of time...

dead.

There were some where i could just see immense saddness behind my deep brown peepers. And in his, I read anger, frustration, and just the fact that he was 'gone'.

The crazy thing is... as I texted him earlier and decided that we definately needed to be friends ( Because he REALLY IS a phenomenal FRIEND ), I realized just how long I'd realized that we weren't each other's "the one"... These pictures served to help me pinpoint that timeline... We were together (off and on ) for what I'll call a year and a half... I realized that he wasn't the one...

1 1/2 months into the relationship.

This brings me to the question, why do we (or I) choose to hold onto something when we KNOW it's not right? Why do we hinder ourselves by allowing a misfit piece to just lay on top of the puzzle... blocking the ACTUAL placemaker settle? Security? A need not to "lose"? For me, those things had ALOT to do with it. I hate to lose. I was in love (yep... that soon... I'd fallen for him.) for the FIRST TIME EVER... and I didn't want to lose that "ooey gooey" feeling. but the thing is... Idid... I lost it... 1 1/2 months in.

Anywhooooo... the saddness in my eyes... it shook me.