So I have this thing that I do...
At first, it was intentional... something that I did to make myself feel better about the way that I thought about 'him'. I always want to make sure my feelings are clear... but that's hard to do miles and miles and miles away...but I always find a way...
... let me say this first...
Some of the thoughts that I have and the beliefs that I subscribe to are completely OUTLANDISH!!! I recognize that... But they can best be described as 'coping' mechanisms. What are a few of these weird beliefs? Ok, I won't pass a "white" vehicle if it's in front of me... Something in me associates the color 'white' with God and thinks that this vehicle is safeguarding me from something bad that may happen up ahead. When he's driving I stay a decent distance behind and WILL NOT pass.
... Also, I think that watching a helium balloon float into oblivion, somehow opens the soul... It does something to me... and no matter WHAT is going on around me... I will stop, and watch... until I can't see it anymore.
... The last one is the one that most directly applies to this blog... I believe that the stars and the moon are tiny microphones into heaven. When I pray, I look directly into a star (if I am able), and speak directly to God. I pray just like you guys do... but to me, I'm nuzzled right into his ear when I'm on the 'mic'.... It makes me feel like it's all clear...
... Tonight... As I was closing my windows and preparing for bed, I looked up into the moon and asked God to let 'Him' know that I love him still. That I always will... I prayed that God would keep him safe and happy, and that life would give him all the great things he deserved... I prayed for him. As I always do...
... Everytime I see the moon... I pray the same prayer... the stars are for everyone else... but the moon belongs to him....
This brings to mind a line from a Tyler Perry Movie... " I know I love you because I pray for you more than I pray for myself. ".... I do. That's how I know that I TRULY loved and love him. That has changed. The manner of love I can give... But I love him. Even as one day I will marry another. Even as he moves on and builds his family. Even as our paths begin to diverge.... I love him still... on some level... I believe I always will...
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5 years ago
5 comments:
this is a beautiful post. need to try that talking into the mic bit. you may never stop loving him, but one day you'll probably stop remembering to pray for him. life gets like that, too busy with your own life. but for now, it seems as if praying for him provides you with the relief you need!
I heart this post .. it sort of left me speechless..
Its beautiful to love someone like that though
"I know I love you because I pray for you more than I pray for myself."....pulls at your hear strings that one....and Woman on a Journey is right..it will eventually fade..as yes life is like that...life happens.. :)
the beauty in it is that you know what that kind of love feels like...SHOULD feel like..i just hope that you won't let that love get in the way of new love :)...just because it isn't THAT love..doesn't mean it can't be good love maybe even BETTER love :)....
loved this post JaeS..
Have a great weekend love!!
Oh My... "AS the world turns" do we speak in the same mic
This brings to mind a line from a Tyler Perry Movie... " I know I love you because I pray for you more than I pray for myself. ".... I do. That's how I know that I TRULY loved and love him. That has changed. The manner of love I can give... But I love him. Even as one day I will marry another. Even as he moves on and builds his family. Even as our paths begin to diverge.... I love him still... on some level... I believe I always will...
i feel the same way about an ex..lovely..
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