**OK!! Sorry I've NEGLECTED my blogging but...**

I'm BACCCCCK!!!
(That's a pic of my little one blowing bubbles on the beach beside our condo in PCB at sunset...) Probably my FAVORITE pic of the vacay(yes, she has on a life vest... those waves were crazy)) :)

Just got home from Panama City Beach!! I had SUCH a blast!!! Pictures to come... promise! I was there for 8 days so there are TONS of pics... i'll just pick a precious few...

I won't be back to blogging FULL FORCE until NEXT week... maybe! I am STILL in the process of MOVING... Now it's the Nth hour!!! LOL Last day in this apt is a WEEK from today... Whew!

Anyway.. hope all my readers are well.. I've missed reading your comments... and I PROMISE to make the blog rounds and read ALL of your updates and comment!!! :)

Have a great rest of the weekend!!

~Jae

Entranced.....

...sorry I haven't written in a while.... Super busy with moving and such... Right now I'm on my way to Panama City Beach... ** I just turned to my right and looked out the window... Immediately, I was entranced by the moon and stars... U know what happened next...** Amen...

This Lonliness

These lonely nights are weighing on me...

** As I lay in my bed after a beautiful Mother's Day with my mom and my daughter, still I feel a void. This big queen sized bed only serves to UNDERLINE the fact that I have no one with which to share my experience.

** But then I begin to think... 'This spot beside me could easily be filled. QUICKLY! A warm body is really only 10 digits away.' The space could be taken... but the void would still exist. I want more.

** Play fight with me and nuzzle me close. Kiss my shoulder when we're spooning and whisper that you ' love me '. Hold me tight without making me wonder when your leaving or making my skin crawl... Be mine. Not for now... Not for the night... Not for a while... but for always... :-)

** So I change my orientation on the sheets... diagonal with these long legs scissored... I hold the space for the one who has my heart... the one I'm being choosey for... The one who hates the lonliness, but will find the pay off well worth the pain...

** I hold the space for me.

So I got a ticket today... lol

Soooo... I got a ticket today.
Nope. Not a SPEEDING Ticket... a ticket for expired registration tags. LMAO!!!! (Let me say first that, here in KY, This is a FREE ticket. That means... all I have to do is show that I've rectified the problem... no court costs... no nothing)...

I went to get my toesies done ... and as I was leaving the nail salon, I notice TWO coppers sitting in a parking lot about 1/8 mile away from me. They were parked with one facing one way and the other parked another way ( kinda like an auto 69'er)... looked like they were talking...

....

WELL!! I get in my car... and attempt to go the LONG way around so that I don't pass them, and they start to pull out... one going ONE way, one going the other. They basically had peeped my tags and were waiting for WHOMEVER owned that car to come out... lol I was TRAPPED !

So anyway, I live like walking distance from the nail salon, and I knew that if I got into my parkingplace I'd be homefree... They were on my tail... but I sped into the parking lot and then....

... BLUE LIGHTS...
DAMN IT!!! They've got me...

Sooooooo I pull over... right in FRONT of my apartment... and the cop pulls up... he's snickering a bit... I'm snickering too... because we BOTH know why he pulled me over... He said,"Ummm ma'am... Did you know your tags were expired? " I look at him... girlishly and say, "Yes, They've been expired for quite sometime."... He laughs a little... I hand him my license and proof of insurance...

... He comes back... hands me my ticket... and I mosey on up to my parking spot...

... What I've failed to tell you is... my tags expired LAST year. June 2008. I have been riding on expired tags for the period of 1 year... and managed to evade the police the entire time...until now... Otherwise I'm legal! But tags... no go.

It worked for me! People see that your tags are expired for a year, they think you have NO insurance... They get off your ass... But I DO! I have Progressive... pay that shit religiously EVERY MONTH! Gooood insurance...but you don't know that. You just assume ;)

... So I have 30 days to get my tags... and I have a choice... Either I can get them before MAY ends and just pay for LAST YEARS tags... or.. I can get them in JUNE and get both last years and this years... I have the chance to start this whole evasion game all over again... hmmm... Decisions... decisions... lmao

I have this thing...

So I have this thing that I do...
At first, it was intentional... something that I did to make myself feel better about the way that I thought about 'him'. I always want to make sure my feelings are clear... but that's hard to do miles and miles and miles away...but I always find a way...

... let me say this first...
Some of the thoughts that I have and the beliefs that I subscribe to are completely OUTLANDISH!!! I recognize that... But they can best be described as 'coping' mechanisms. What are a few of these weird beliefs? Ok, I won't pass a "white" vehicle if it's in front of me... Something in me associates the color 'white' with God and thinks that this vehicle is safeguarding me from something bad that may happen up ahead. When he's driving I stay a decent distance behind and WILL NOT pass.

... Also, I think that watching a helium balloon float into oblivion, somehow opens the soul... It does something to me... and no matter WHAT is going on around me... I will stop, and watch... until I can't see it anymore.

... The last one is the one that most directly applies to this blog... I believe that the stars and the moon are tiny microphones into heaven. When I pray, I look directly into a star (if I am able), and speak directly to God. I pray just like you guys do... but to me, I'm nuzzled right into his ear when I'm on the 'mic'.... It makes me feel like it's all clear...

... Tonight... As I was closing my windows and preparing for bed, I looked up into the moon and asked God to let 'Him' know that I love him still. That I always will... I prayed that God would keep him safe and happy, and that life would give him all the great things he deserved... I prayed for him. As I always do...

... Everytime I see the moon... I pray the same prayer... the stars are for everyone else... but the moon belongs to him....

This brings to mind a line from a Tyler Perry Movie... " I know I love you because I pray for you more than I pray for myself. ".... I do. That's how I know that I TRULY loved and love him. That has changed. The manner of love I can give... But I love him. Even as one day I will marry another. Even as he moves on and builds his family. Even as our paths begin to diverge.... I love him still... on some level... I believe I always will...

Oprah and KFC *Your Thought*

QUESTION::

How do you feel about this? Do you feel that it was structured properly? What did you do w/your " coupon "? Did you even print one? How did you like the Chicken??

.... My answers to those....

I feel that this was a vehicle that could've gone down a PHENOMENAL path, instead its taken a turn that it shouldn't have. This was an opportunity for us to help those less fortunate (yes, I'm taking it there.)... the FIRST thing I thought about this when I heard was, " Wow... I wanna print off a bunch and give them to the homeless!"... (well, actually when I FIRST heard, I thought it was a hoax (text message))... They've DISABLED this. You WERE able to print as many as you'd like. Now, they've found a way to restrict it to one per computer... I've not even tried because that's ridiculous.

GRANTED, this was probably done to combat greed w/n the offer... but they should have thought it out BETTER before putting it forth. Don't change the game in the middle... Keep it as it was... Some people had already handed out mannnnnnny of these, when they found out that there is NOW a bar code that can be scanned and will only accept ONE coupon w/ that bar (not sure how accurate this is)... sooooo there may be many homeless people out there w/ coupons that will be TURNED AWAY for the hot meal that they've anticipated.

.... Yawn... I'm tired of talking about it... But I was also a little perturbed that OPRAH was associated with this... Can we say Perpetuating a stereotype? Ugh... That's like George Lopez coming out in support of unlimited taco's from Taco Bell... :sigh: I hear ya... Helpin' people... but...let's do it ALL the way...