It happened...
ACTUALLY it happened a couple of days ago and I just hadn't had the time to get it down. Kris told me that he loved me. ::Sigh:: My reply to him was " Please Don't ". I know that seems extremely harsh, but I've done EVERYTHING I could to make it clear that never would I ever reciprocate his feelings for me and his wants for a future together. I'm not sure what else has to happen. He also told me that he wanted me to be his wife.
He's a great guy. Very kind, sweet, and can sing like the sky opened up and leaked out a little ANGEL music. Kris would do ANYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE for me and treats me better than any of my ex's ever DREMPT of treating me. When I was sick he came all the way across town just to bring me some orange juice to my job... Today he came across town to my job to see me just because I was dressed up...
But what do you do when the feeling just isn't THERE?! I don't want to lose his friendship. But there will never be anything SERIOUSLY romantic there. Perhaps me still allowing myself to be physical w/ him hinders my message and I need to cut that off... but... I'm ALWAYS clear and forthright about what I want from this relationship.
Grr... whadda you do when someone says they love you and you don't feel the same...
10 comments:
It was a great thing that you were honest.
I guess you would have to make sure he gets it through his head that you really dont feel that way about him.
One thing though .. just make sure you leave HIM with the decision of whether he wants to keep the friendship or not. He may be so hurt that the woman he loves and wants to marry doesn't feel the same that he may not ever want to talk to you again and you have to accept that. If not though just keep the boundary of friendship and relationship very clear ...
Tough stuff mama ...
♥
**Thank you hun.. :) I've done that. I've told him that point, blank, period. He doesn't hear me.He said he thinks we belong together... and I don't know, I'm just disenchanted w/ it.
You already know what I'ma say.The "I'm being honest" thing after a while is a semi excuse for the relationship being uneven.If you're saying no to what he wants but yes to the things u can deal with or that u want, then it's never gonna be right.
*But who's @ fault there Jaycie?
If I'm honest, and he knows where I am w/ things... and CHOOSES w/ EYES WIDE OPEN to continue... who's at fault?!
I agree with nightfall. you are sending mixed messages. no matter how much you say you don't want to be with someone, they won't get it if you are still being intimate with them. it definitely has to be his decision to continue the friendship, but you have the responsibility to ensure that you give him no more than friendship. otherwise you are just leading him on.
I've done all this...
I would be fine to stop the physicality... I DO NOT initiate it... It really just PISSES me off and frustrates me more...
... but...
He does. HE wants to and it is what it is.. Iono... maybe we need some radio silence. I told him to start seeing other people the same day he told me he loved/and was falling in love /w me. he said he couldn't.
There is no fault.Its just decisions.Love can make people stupid.So he's making decisions with his heart hoping things work out and not with his mind.The heart needs little to be content and has no problem living with delusion.That's where he is right now.
everyone makes good points...i'll be cut and dry about it.
if sex is all you want from him, then say just that "i just want sex"..say those words to him, not "i don't feel the same"..."there will be nothing with us"...tell him EXACTLY what you want from him not what you don't want. In the same breathe, if you getting that and that's all you want, stop rationalizing about it or being concerned about salvaging a friendship...it's on him period...you set the ground rules leave it at just that..any action outside of those ground rules only merits the reminder that if he doesn't like it, he can leave.
if you really are concerned about his friendship and don't need the sex, then stop..don't do it. you can't ride the fence..women do things/don't do things out of fear..so be fearless..and if setting those ground rules causes him to leave, well let him..you said it yourself, you don't see a future with him.
you know i say all that with love.
You guys are great... I really appreciate all the input. If there's one thing I value, it's outside opinions. It's hard to get a handle on things when you're involved...
I realize that I may be at fault for letting things go farther than they should...
Jillz-- you're starting to leave comments like me! LMAOO Disertations (sp?) lol But I like it! lol I hear EVERYTHING you're saying... and agree wholeheartedly...
Jaycie-- you're right. When you're in love, you think w/ skewed rationalization. You'd think I would know that. I appreciate your input.
Young Woman-- Perhaps I am sending mixed messages. I guess I don't realize it when I preface the message w/ 'I dont wanna be in a relationship"... but I need to flip it and ask myself how I'd feel if I was him... ya kno?
:) Again, I have the BEST blog commenters in the UNIVERSE! or @ least the Blogosphere... lol
Read the poem I posted Friend Zone.
The only thing you can do is be truthful but Damn. There is no way around it it will hurt for both of you but as for you be prepared to live with the consequences of your dicision. And Good Luck.
Damn! I know that hurts. Been on both sides of that one.
Jaycee
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