It's DONE!!! and I LOVE IT!!!

DONE!!! I love it!!! It hurt like a MOLLYHOPPER but so worth it... :) My piercer was GREAT so nice... and I look forward to changing it to a SMALLER gem after it heals (can't do so right now)... :)

I'm super excited about this piercing... even though it's semi-permanent... they make clear plugs and flesh colored plugs... so when it's really not APPROPRIATE to have a gem beside your eye... I am able to downplay it... lol

It still hurts a bit... and bled for QUITE a while... but it's subsided now :) I love piercings... but I fear this will be my last...

Well... it'll be my last that's visible to the public ;^)

TOoooo-Morrow Tomorrow... I'm PIERCING Tomorrow... it's only a day AAAWAYYY!!

To the left you see the hardware that will be IMPLANTED into my face TOMORROW! It's called a microdermal implant or a facial anchor piercing... They pierce the skin and then implant that bottom piece (w/ all the holes) into your body wherever you'd like... afterwhich they screw in the ball... the entire process takes between 20 and 30 minutes and LOOKS very painful...

I know you're thinking, JAE!!! You're NUTS!!! But nooooo i'm not! I'm soo excited and scared all @ the same time... The last piercing I had completed was my "Marilyn" (above my lip). Since then, I've searched and searched for a new piercing... I'm so particular w/ what I want on my face that I hadn't found anything... until today...

I will have mine placed beside my right eye... just to the side... (that's a pic of what it will probably look like... except the gem will be larger... and there will only be one... )... I'm so excited!!!!!!

The only think that REALLY bothers me, is that when I want to completely remove it, I can't just take it out as is the case w/ my other piercings... I'll have to go have it CUT out either by my piercer or a physician... You can change the hardware (jewel, ball, etc) but the BASE won't come out unless it's CUT out...

... Those holes in the base are important to this entire process... They're there SPECIFICALLY to anchor the piercing into my face... the skin is supposed to grow IN BETWEEN those holes therefore keeping it in place... it's called a semi-permanent body modification...

To the RIGHT you'll see Monica... She has this modification as well... (look closely to the outside of her eye... that little bead of light is her piercing)... I had NO CLUE she had this until AFTER I'd already decided to have it done! It looks SO cute on her... I only hope it does me justice... :)

Ok, I'm rambling... but... ya know... I can't WAIT! When I leave my current job for another ( after I finish college, etc)... I'll probably go have it cut out for a more professional look... but HONESTLY, it doesn't look 'freakish' at all... Piercing when done CORRECTLY and in MODERATION can actually COMPLIMENT the natural aesthetic... :)

Wish me luck... and I'll have pics! :)

Just a little Vlog.. :) Catching UP

"I'm going to wear you out..."

Ok, So I'm going to reveal a little bit about myself that I'm sure MOST of you don't know.... When I was in highschool, I had a SERIOUS obession w/ Tiger Woods. Like SERIOUS. EVERY INCH of every wall of my bedroom was COVERED w/ any image of him that I could find... I even cut a few of the pictures out and made them "3-D" so that it would seem he was ACTUALLY in my room... lmaooooo ... a little trick I learned in art class...

I OWN the video that shows how he began... him as a little one putting away w/ his daddy Earl... I watched it EVERY SINGLE DAY! I would watch EVERY golf game that he played in that was televised... and when he came to KY @ Valhalla... I had serious thoughts of sneaking in and charging the green! This was SERIOUS... @ one point I THINK I believed that I'd one day MEET Tiger, and he'd fall head over hills in love w/ me... lmaooooooooo (I said I was a kid right?!)

This obsession faded (thankfully) and, though I STILL thought he was a fantastic athlete and VERY handsome (for my tastes), I didn't obsess or even really FOLLOW his career... Until Now...

TIGER just got 10x HAWTER! Wow... I know, I know... He cheated on his wife w/ 3 broads... Ok, that was wrong... but honestly, I'm sure 99% of all FAMOUS ATHLETES do this! Men are ONLY as faithful as the options available to them... and let's keep it ALL THE WAY REAL, when the zero's start getting stacked onto the end of your income, the caliber of 'panty-droppers' available to you CLIMBS SIGNIFICANTLY.

You know in Highschool Tiger got ZERO play from anyone even REMOTELY resembling these ladies. I mean YES, he may have gotten a little slob action from the chess team geeks... or maybe a handjob from the only female tuba player in the band... but Top Shelf Arse? Nah- nothin' doin'... So he was, in essence reliving his highschool dreams and knocking out every piece of choice poon-tang he could muster.

Let me get to the reason his sex appeal just CLIMBED (in my opinion...)... TIGER IS HUMAN! He's not SQUEAKY CLEAN as he's been portrayed for YEARS... This dude texted one of his mistresses " How long has it been since you had a good fuck?"! WHAT?!! :: instant lubrication:: and "I'm going to WEAR YOU OUT." :: WET NAP PLEASE!!!??

There's NOTHING I love more than a good steamy text from the person I'm seeing... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! My imagination tends to be more INTENSE than most... and generally out performs the ACTUAL act that you've made me think you're going to perform... So NOW I have the PERFECT COMBINATION of what I ALWAYS ASKED for in a man... Articulate, Intelligent, Ambitious, Driven, Passionate (about his craft), and Presentable to ALL audiences in public... but OH SO NASTY w/ me... lol... I'm talking BARACK to everyone else... and PLIES in the bedroom, while whispering in MY ear, and on my text screen... Sheesh...

Tiger... you're a bad bad bad boy for cheatin' on Elin... but umm... If you ever decide to like sista's (thick/chubby sista's nonetheless)... I know a Caramel colored Kentuckian who'd be MUCH OBLIGED to satiate that need...

... call me...
lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooo

... Be Good Jae ...

... So I'm supposed to have a very innocent meal w/ a friend next week. Just so happens this friend and I haven't seen each other for about 2 1/2 years... whay? Because we have chemistry. Electricity. In crazy amounts...

... So What's the Problem Jae?...

THE PROBLEM IS that little piece of precious metal encircling his left ring finger... and the appendage that is attached to it by vows made before God... yep... you guessed it...

... I have PURPOSEFULLY avoided this friend since our last meeting because the temptation to explore 'friendly' depths is much to ... well ... tempting for both of us... Lunch is safe right? Public place... ACROSS the table... innocent as can be... and BESIDES!! I'll be on my break from WORK... so I have time constraints! Yeah... this'll be ok...

Whew... I feel better... glad I talked that out... ;) (Only wish I still WASN'T so nervous.... )

Bad Singing... and Bad Guitar Playing (But it's ME! LOL)

This is a vid of me playing my gitfiddle VERY LATE last night... The singing isn't good... and the playing is worse! lmaoooo. But I hadn't posted for a bit... and I remember promising a video... Don't be too hard on me...

** So CRASS!!! But she makes SO MUCH SENSE!!**

This woman is SOOOOO Crass in the way that she says what she says... but if you LISTEN to the message... she makes alot of sense... Judge for yourself... (I've seen some of her OTHER more HUMOROUS video's... and I laughed... but THIS one... made me think a bit... )

**NOW with even LOWWWERRR Standards!! ** LMAOOOO

Due to shortages in men in the Greater Louisville Area, the following categories of unforgivable lowlifes have been promoted to "potential relationship material" for me:

-Liars
-Cheaters
-Daily pot smokers
-My intellectual inferiors
-Dirty, smelly coffee shop poets
-Barflies
-Possessive types
-Women haters
-Men old enough to be my Dad
-My Dad
-Anyone else in my family, including the remains of my dead grandfather
-Lawyers
-People who can't spell and refuse to use spell check
-Alcoholics
-Negative, angry types
-Politicians/the criminally insane
-Smokers who pretend to be non-smokers
-Vain, self-centered artists
-Drama queens
-Guys who always get dumped and can't figure out why
-The dental-hygienically challenged
-Players
-Polygamists
-Republicans
-Anyone with that shit-eating fetish
-People who ever liked the band "Book of Love"
-Pig Fuckers
-Pink shirt wearing corporate capitalist dick heads who drive fancy cars
-Free loaders
-Your dumb friend, age 37, who still plays video games after work
-Anyone with a toupee
-The insecure
-Misers
-Humorless "business" types
-Mama's Boys
-Egomaniacs
-Sex addicts
-Poseurs
-Infantile fuckwits who blame everyone else for their problems
-Narcissists
-Bad kissers
-The fiscally irresponsible
-Underachieving slacker dudes
-Anyone in any kind of tribute band

Hope to hear from you soon! (and I'm SO SURE that I will!! )

..I'll get by w/ a little help from my friends....

(That's me and my girl Vida @ work... Swine Flu Ready a couple of weeks ago... hahahahah)

....

So I've been M.I.A for about 4 months now... I can't BELIEVE it's been that long since I've blogged steadily.... Something about the motions of moving and getting everything unpacked and settled has gotten me off track w/ my blogging... It's really a shame... because there's been so much to write about...

... It's been kind of a down quarter for me... There have been some MAJOR betrayals... and some major "strings" cut. I'll spare the ridiculous details of what happened... but in the last 3 months I've cut at least 3 close friends 'loose'... and for good reason...

... I've learned a lesson... a few actually... that will stick w/ me for the remainder of my days... 1.) My mother was right about many many things that I wish she WASN'T right about. 2.) Birds of a feather, really DO stick together... 3.) Sometimes keeping your friends close and your enemies closer is confusing... because the line between the two is SO VERY FINE...

... Oh well I say... Good riddance right? The word "Friend" is used too loosely by most... and taken too seriously by few... Friends to me are like family... I hold them very close... and when one hurts me to the depths that these few have, it changes me as a person... and usually not for the better...

... It happened... It's over...
I'll live... that's all I have to say. :)

(WOW!! Two days in a row!!! Wooo hooooo)

.... But she still wonders why...

(picture is of my daughters father Dominic... the source of MUCH conversation for us today....)


Today, my daughter had a session of crying and asking me questions. No... this was about Spongebob, or life, or even her new obsession, Michael Jackson. It was about her father. She asked me what he looked like, and if she'd ever met him. I told her that he had stayed w/ us for about a week and a half when she was 2... and that he was handsome. I showed her a picture (which I am SURE that I had shown her before... )... and then began the waterworks....

She went on and on about how she had to explain to her friends that she didn't have a daddy. And that she didn't even know what his name was. She said that she was the only person who she KNEW that didn't have their father or that had never seen him... I told her that was ABSOLUTELY not true...

... with astonishment in her eyes, she asked, " Who else mommi?"... I paused, took her little face into my hand... and said " Me." I explained to her how I had never layed eyes on my biological father and that even though she and I BOTH had his last name, he was a stranger. I told her that I completely understood her pain... and that I would see what I could do to get her into contact w/ her father....

... This is going to be hard...

She came home and wrote him a letter... telling him that she loved him... andmissed him... and that she was going to come see him if he didn't see her... She drew pictures of him, and of him and her, and of us three together smiling.... holding hands... and being a family.

... I don't tell her the bad stuff... or that I keep him away in effort to protect her... I don't let her know that he does nothing to take care of her... or that if he wanted to put forth the effort, we COULD HAVE been that family that she'd just scratched out on her pad... She doesn't need to know these things... because in the long run... it'll make her dislike ME more...

Instead I tell her, somethings just aren't meant... and I'm sure he loves her almost as much as I do... I promise her that I'll do all that I can... I send him and email ... and I kiss her goodnight... Telling her somethings just aren't meant to be... and that he and I will never be a couple...

... But she still wonders, " Why?"....

**My New Cellular Device**

YAY!!! Finally after 18 months of the Tmobile Dash... It's time for a new celly!!! There you see it... just to the right of this picture... Tmobile Mytouch 3g. :)

(No Jay, I haven't joined the CRACKBERRY nation.... I will do that as soon as you send my your first 'tweet'... lol)

I'm super stoked because this phone is allll that I really need. It has the app's like iphone, 3g service (speedy), internet capability, and is closely linked w/ google and all of it's applications. This should enable me to blog more often... and on the go...

Trust me, my blogging on the fly is way funnier than when I've had time to overthink the subjects... lol

Definitely looking forward to receiving it in about a week... YES!! I said a WEEK... Due to the fact that I called customer service for T-mobile and THREATENED to cancel service w/ them, they offered me a full upgrade 6 months early. CATCH IS, I have to wait for it to be mailed to me... BOOOOOOO... I'm SUCH an immediate gratification kind of girl... I want it NOW!!! But, alas.. you can't always get what you want...


To the Left (to the left ), you see the SKIN that I've ordered for my phone... SKINIT.com is a GREAT site that lets you order customized hardshells and gel skin's for your cell, laptop, psp, crackberry, toaster, etc (well... maybe not the toaster).

This is a picture w/ me and my best friend in the world, my guitar... and the front is one of the many beautiful sunsets I captured while in Panama city beach in May... along w/ the word, " Solace "... Because that's really all I want...

I feel like a lil' kid waiting for Christmas right now!!! I'm actually going to the T-mobile store to get some screen protectors and see what kind of accessories I can buy for my new baby...

YAYAYAYAY I loveeeee new toys... of ANY kind ;^)

Your Friends...

(That's a pic of me and my six string tonight (9.1.09)... OH! And my swollen jaw (from dental work yesterday)...

I'm coming back... Soon... I promise. Let me just say a lil' something though...

Be careful who you call your FRIENDS.

I consider myself to be a 'friendly' person... I like to laugh but moreover, I like to make OTHERS laugh. There's nothing like the sound of joy. Nothing... Let's not confuse the issue though. Just because we are laughing together, doesn't mean that you're my 'friend'.

I have a HANDFUL of true friends. Literally like 5! I know many people and surround myself w/ many aquaintances. To your eye, they look like they've known me for years. Truthfully, they have no clue as to my inner workings.

Lately, a few of the 'aquaintances' that were becoming true friends, have let me down. They've shown themselves to be opportunistic and flaky. The details of the situation are unimportant... I just wanted to say... please know who your real friends are...

... Guess who's in love...

... not me...

I feel like all my friends/family/aquaintances/dogs in the neighborhood/birds and locusts are in love.

... bastards...

They're all in love or falling there... or getting married.... or having a baby ( Jim (exie) had his a couple of days ago)... They're writing about love and bragging about romance and kissing and holding hands and cuddling and UGH!!!

... I am so frustrated ...

Not that I'm NOT in love... that I don't CARE TO BE in love!! Like...I miss companionship... and I've tried to FORCE myself into caring and feeling for someone... and I don't. Nope. Not one Iota...

Definitely... I am realizing that I am a completely different person in this realm of my life than I have ever been. Not wide eyed. Not eager. Guarded. Icy even. not myself.

Meds? Could be. I've restarted my A.D.D meds ( about a month ago )... and asked for Depression meds... because things for me were getting a little too... ummm... dark.

It's astonishing how you can fool people... You'd never guess what's really going on in someone's head if they gave you a smile and a laugh. You can't see a slow death when it's veiled in a vibrant living front... ;)

So anyway... Everyone's in love.

... yeah...

congrats

*bastards*

**Ain't We Lucky WE Got 'Em**

...I'm sure every one of us has watched "Good Times" and laughed, cried (when James died), or scoffed at the outlandishness of J.J... But yesterday, I as I lay in bed watching the dynamic of the Evans family... I was touched... by 'James'.

NO!... Not by John Amos, the actor that PLAYED James Evans... but by the man or character that he was... In the episode that I was watching, James had been offered a place in the apprenticeship that would pay him more money that he'd ever made ( 4.20hrly). He was so excited to finally be able to do for his family that he dressed in his Sunday's best (or his 'goin' to a funeral clothes' as Florida called them), and ordered Florida to buy the best food, drink, and party favors that thier RENT MONEY could buy...

To make a long story short, he got to the office only to find that a mistake in the computer caused them to show him 10 years younger than he actually was, and subsequently made him TOO OLD for the apprentice program... so he didn't get the job...

INSTEAD of going home and griping and whining about WOE IS ME and THE MAN IS KEEPING ME DOWN he proceeded to tell his wife... who then SUPPORTED him and told him as long as they had family, and they were happy, that they'd make it (I'll speak on this in a bit)... James found a side job to get the money that he'd wasted on the party... and that was that... SCUFFLED to make ends meet for his fam.

TO ME... James Evans is the epitome of what a black father should be. YES! He was BROKE ... but he provided for his family by ANY means necessary ( being a dishwasher, car wash attendant, etc). He held onto his role as a strong black patriarch of their family and ruled with a stern, yet loving hand. James is supportive of his wife and in turn, gets her support... If I find a James Evans... my search is over... period. Broke or not.

As for Florida in this episode, it showed me that we should recognize when our men are TRYING to do well... Let's praise and encourage them for what they're DOING and stop downing them for what they're NOT doing... I mean if they're TRULY trying to better themselves... let's be behind them :)

Aight...I'm off my James Evans High Horse

...

Almost back...
I sooooooo wanna write a blog tonight... but I just downed a 'night night' pill and a bit of rum... so I don't expect to be on this side of consciousness for very much longer...

I have SOOO much blog catching up to do ( reading your entries, commenting, and writing my own)... I promise to get it done... I thank the 2 new readers I've gained in my absence and the 40 that I had before this hiatus began...

It's not that I have anything interesting to update... It's just that I miss spouting my ridiculousness on here... and hearing your input...

Very very soon... I shall return...

wuvs ya :)

~Jae

Go Jae... It's ya Birthday...

(that is the back of my cubicle today... :-)

I'll be back soon... still getting settled in (Painting and such...) Today is my 27th birthday.... so I thought I'd take a pause for the cause...:-)

Hope u all are well...I'll be back to blogging soon :-)

**If These Walls Could Talk **

... So I'm still packing... but I needed to take a second to really 'feel' what I'm feeling...

Yes, these walls are just a shelter... but what secrets have their service held? When it's just you and the walls... what do you whisper... How have the plaster and paint watched you grow? Die? Really live?

... The picture above will seem like two holes in bathroom plaster and a broken towel rod to everyone... But to me, they hold a story. These holes are from passionate repose... a moment of temporary insanity when I felt like the strength of those screws could withstand the full force of my pull as I vied for leverage to show my love... take that to mean what you will... but we see who won the battle...

... Within these walls I taught my daughter to read...Dressed her for her first day of school... Fell in love... spent countless nights with the love of my life... lost him.... watched the death of our love as it wilted behind his eyes...

... The paint smells of him... faintly... somewhere well beneath the human sense of smell... He lingers in my carpet... he exists w/ me here... in this space... our love and what was real 'once upon a time'... is still lives here... in these fibers...between these studs...

... By this time next week, I'll be in a new place... new paint... new carpet... no memories there for me... only new adventures to be had... and here... new carpet will be rolled and tacked... new paint slathered over old... shredded and thrown to the trash-heap will be my secrets... My love... My past...

....

**OK!! Sorry I've NEGLECTED my blogging but...**

I'm BACCCCCK!!!
(That's a pic of my little one blowing bubbles on the beach beside our condo in PCB at sunset...) Probably my FAVORITE pic of the vacay(yes, she has on a life vest... those waves were crazy)) :)

Just got home from Panama City Beach!! I had SUCH a blast!!! Pictures to come... promise! I was there for 8 days so there are TONS of pics... i'll just pick a precious few...

I won't be back to blogging FULL FORCE until NEXT week... maybe! I am STILL in the process of MOVING... Now it's the Nth hour!!! LOL Last day in this apt is a WEEK from today... Whew!

Anyway.. hope all my readers are well.. I've missed reading your comments... and I PROMISE to make the blog rounds and read ALL of your updates and comment!!! :)

Have a great rest of the weekend!!

~Jae

Entranced.....

...sorry I haven't written in a while.... Super busy with moving and such... Right now I'm on my way to Panama City Beach... ** I just turned to my right and looked out the window... Immediately, I was entranced by the moon and stars... U know what happened next...** Amen...

This Lonliness

These lonely nights are weighing on me...

** As I lay in my bed after a beautiful Mother's Day with my mom and my daughter, still I feel a void. This big queen sized bed only serves to UNDERLINE the fact that I have no one with which to share my experience.

** But then I begin to think... 'This spot beside me could easily be filled. QUICKLY! A warm body is really only 10 digits away.' The space could be taken... but the void would still exist. I want more.

** Play fight with me and nuzzle me close. Kiss my shoulder when we're spooning and whisper that you ' love me '. Hold me tight without making me wonder when your leaving or making my skin crawl... Be mine. Not for now... Not for the night... Not for a while... but for always... :-)

** So I change my orientation on the sheets... diagonal with these long legs scissored... I hold the space for the one who has my heart... the one I'm being choosey for... The one who hates the lonliness, but will find the pay off well worth the pain...

** I hold the space for me.