.. So here we are. The final hour of 2008. A year that I will connect with vast heartbreak, disappointment, and just basic emotional disarray. I am reflecting on the things that I want to leave behind me in this time. Want to take a second to give thanks for the lessons that I have learned....

... I also want to thank God for letting my mother (hopefully) live to see the new year. She is in the hospital again as we speak w/ a very grave prognosis... but she is still w/ us. I love this woman. More than she'll probably ever know. She's been both my biggest nemesis and greatest hero for the last 26 years. Taking in a child and doing what she didn't have to do. It scares me to think of exactly where I'd be had it not been for my mother.... I love her. God please spare her w/ us.

... Go into the new year giving thanks for what you love and leaving behind the things that haven't been beneficial to you.Take a clearer head an open heart, and embrace this opportunity for a fresh start....

l

** Only You **

The new year is upon us, and everyone is making their “resolutions” and saying ‘good riddance’ to the old year. Hoping that the new year brings them joy, bliss, and a new happiness that was somehow missing from the last. The thing is, what will they do to actually CULTIVATE this difference? How will they breed good karma, positive change, and upward mobility ( be it spiritually, financially, in their jobs, or otherwise)? Will they be repeating the same mantra 364 days from now? Still living in the misery that [they perceive] others have created for them all the while missing the fact that they’re EXACTLY the same? Doing the same things, walking the same lines that they walked before, yet expecting a different course.

I definitely count myself in that number of people. I have big plans for the new year! HUGE! But the question is, realistically, how long will I remain “amped” to run? How many days will I really devote to good nutrition as opposed to the atrocity that I call a diet now? Truth be told… knowing me… it’s going to be tough to keep myself motivated through the first couple of weeks. If I can pass a month I’ll be reaching a new record. And if 2 months come, I’m surely going to kick into that obsessive thing I have. And it’ll be all gravy from there… Just gotta get there.
The transformation that I hope to make is not only physical (thought I think that’s the most important one). I also hope to actually BE about the things that I SAY I’m about. My heart is open, I love freely, and I want to give. Sometimes those things are all directed to the wrong person/situation. The goal this year is to give more. GIVE BACK more. More charitable time ( and my MORE I mean any…). More times spent doing things that actually MATTER in the grand scheme of things. More “mark making” activities. Things I’ll remember…

… Basically I plan on giving and experiencing more of life through outreach…
It’s a big plan… and one that will have me feeling super accomplished should it come to fruition. But I believe it’s necessary. You can’t feel good, until you make someone else feel good.

Happy New Year
May all your plans come out as you’ve intended.
~Jae

*I'm Just Sayin... **

This is less of an actual blog and more of a rant of things that have pissed me off over the last few days... So read, or don't. And comment, or don't. Feel free to tell me things that piss you off too.... lmao I always love looking for new things.

1.) Men who act "deep"... are really full of shit.

-- Almost every man that I've met that seems to be deeper than others, turns out to be a fraud. I'm not speaking of anyone in particular. I'm just sayin... I'm sick of it. lol

2.) Vicks "sinex" burns my nostrils!-- All I wanted was AFRIN. PERIOD! Why did I choose to pick this shyte... The only think I hate worse than than burning nostrils is a stuffy nose. I feel like I'm suffocating... So there's not choice... I have to squirt the liquid fire into my head... lol Booooo @ that

3.) Guys that let their mouths hang open piss me off. They look so fuckin' dumb!!! I saw it today on TMZ... they were covering the USC Football team at a dinner before their bowl game... and this one guy just let his damn mouth hang open. GRRRRrrrrrrr F'kin idiot.

4.) I'm too old for crushes.... and it makes me sad. Crushes were fun right?! Remember just thinkin' how cute you and that person would be... and usually it's either someone unattainable, or someone you didn't really know so you couldn't REALLY have any concept of them as a person. They were harmless... and sweet... ahhhhhh crushes...

5.) Cold piss me off. They're like this mediocre bridge between wellness and true sickness. EITHER MAKE ME WELL or LET ME BE REALLY REALLY sick so I can take some good meds and be knocked out all day. damnit! lmao...

6.) In preparation for my coming intense training... my knees, hips, and ankles have staged an early revolt. They're aching prematurely... lol But I don't care... I'm still doin' it... I'm going to grab me some glucosamine and chondroitin and keep on steppin'... I will NOT be defeated this time... I refuse.

That's all my ranting for now... But I'm sure I'll have more unless this crazy PMS releases it's icy grips from me... lmao...

**I've never Surfed **

Ya know.... I've been internet equipped in one way or another for a large portion of my 26 years. However... There's something that I have yet to do. You ready for this? I've never, ever ever, ever ever, actually "surfed" the net. (GASP! )

I know you're thinking by now that I'm pretty much full of shit... (and you'd be right in most cases, but not this one. ;)) The thing is, when I get online, I have a select few pages that I visit. Unless something ON THOSE pages catches my eye (which generally, it doesn't), I don't veer away from there. Myspace, Facebook, Yahoo, Hotmail, and a select few other sites are really ALL that get my attn. The variation of sites in my drop down box probably is low... lol. So, does that mean that I'm boring? Or not using the resources @ my disposal? Hmmm who knows...

NOW... you may be thinking... I KNOW you go to more than a few sites... How do you research things? How do you find updated information on world events, celebs, and other worthless information.? EASY... I click on THE LINKS ON THE MAIN PAGES that catch my eye. lol

Maybe my concept of surfing isn't correct... to me it's aimless meandering around cyberspace. Kind of like an adventure... Like... I google a random term... and from there go to a page linked w/ that... and so forth and so on. That's JAE's idea of surfing... being out there all willy-nilly on the swells of the 'wave'... I haven't done it. I'm gonna though. Today. While I'm sitting w/ my mom. lol

Wish me luck. lol

* I hate PMS *

One second you're laughing... the next you're hornier than a sex starved maniac... and then the third your pissed off and ready to bite everyone's head off.

The WORST thing about PMS is, you know it's there! You know that you're not acting like yourself, but you just can't help it. I guess you could if you had self control of steel. It's like when I lash out, I don't realize it until AFTER the fact. Like while you're in the MIDST of the rant, it's completely rational! lol

I think I went off on my daughter this morning because she couldn't find the instruction booklet to her new "Nintendogs" game for DS... lmao... That wasn't rational at all!! LMAO... Poor baby... getting caught in the hormonal crossfire... lmaoooooo

Men... you're very lucky that you don't go through this... but also very unlucky that you have to deal w/ those of us who do. lol.

Stolen from Jason

Randomness... no other way to explain it....

1. Where is your cell phone? - In my purse... I think
2. Where is your significant other? - I don't have one of those... lol
3. What's your hair color? - black(right now)
4. Your mother? - Is very sick.
Your father? - Is hilarious
4. Your favorite thing? - Music. Singing.
7. Your dream last night? - can't really remember... was something weird I think.
8. Your goal? - Get fit in 2009, get things in order, and begin living.
9. The room you're in? - Living room
10. Your hobby? - Writing, singing, reading
11. Your fear? - Dying alone.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? - In a career that I truly love ( or on my way to being in it (school)), Married (definately), a kiddo or two.. and looking back @ 2009 saying, "that's where it all began".
13. Where were you last night? - At your house (kidding)
14. What you're not? - Innocent
15. One of your wish list items? - Beautiful Black Mercedes Benz with a drop top.
16. Where you grew up? - Taylorsville KY
17. The last thing you did? - fixed dinn dinn for my kiddo-kio
18. What are you wearing? - a new blue long sleeved thermal shirt and white boycut briefs ; )
19. Your TV? - Is tuned to Super Nanny
20. Your pets? - are looking right @ me (I SWEAR they're like dogs)
21. Your computer? - I now have 2... Gateway (laptop) and E-Machine (desktop)
22. Your mood? - a little lonely... and tired.
23. Missing someone? - Ummm some more than others.
24. Your car? - 06 Sonata
25. Something you're not wearing? - A jock strap
26. Favorite store? - Bath and Body Works
27. Your summer? - stressful and full of drama
28. Love someone? - Sure
29. Your favorite color? Black
30. When is the last time you laughed? - Earlier today @ my kiddo.
31. Last time you cried? - Hmmm...not sure.
32. Are you a b*tch? - Sometimes
33. Favorite position? - Doggy
34. Favorite past time? - Writing/Singing (tie)
35. Are you a hater or a lover? - always a lover
36. Are you genuine or fake? - I only know how to be Jae
37. Any vices? - Cursing. Forgiving too often too easily.
38. Pro-life or wire hanger? - WOW?!? Wirehanger?! holy shit... I believe it depends on the situation.
39. McCain or Obama? - duh... Obama
40. Pro-plastic or natural? - Natural... but after the weight loss... I'll be sportin' some nice lookin' plastic... lol
41. Dream job? - I'd like to start an organization working w/ the homeless to get them reacclimated to society and leading productive lives. Also mentoring homeless children to break the cycle and help them understand how they came to be in their situations.

*Yummy Yummy New Horizons*

So, this is definately an unlikely Christmas blog... lol Nothing to do w/ Ho Ho Ho's or even mistletoe... This is about a recent phase that i'm going through.... I'm calling it a phase because it probably won't be permanent.

I'm sure no one reads THIS blog as of yet... so maybe I won't get much guff for it... But I have to mention my recent facination w/ the male form. No, not just the "obvious" parts... but just the male body as a whole... MORE SPECIFICALLY, the caucasian male form.

I may or may not have developed a small crush on a certain male...who shall remain COMPLETELY nameless... He's not a celebrity, not really anyone special. Just someone who intrigues me. I like trying to figure people out. And ummm this is going to be a challenge. There are some layers there that I want to explore... whether he'll let me or not... who knows. But I'll keep ya posted. lol... or not.

This intriguing person is of the caucasian persuasian lol and it's new to me because it's never happened that way. I mean, there have been encounters w/ people outside of my race, but never anything to speak of that really stirred me. So... I'm really just being cool w/ it and enjoying the new horizon...

Have you ever noticed how beautiful a pair of strategically placed blue eyes can be? or Green... or... wow... lemme stop... I never knew that it could be so much fun exploring new territories... :)

** Ok. That was creepy!! **

Yeahh so, I used to be a believer in the cosmic powers of the universe. You know, horoscopes and such. Today though, was a BIT creepy... like twilight zone crazy... lmao...

To get straight to the point... I got a series of texts from someone that I'd not heard from for quite sometime. It was strange and out of the blue. I didn't think too much of it (despite the numerous 'cosmic' signs that have been eluding to the fact that I'd hear from this person.)...

After the texts ended I just went on about my business... doing the Christmas thing w/ my kiddo-kio. When I had a second or so to myself I milled around the net... looking for a new site to tickle my fancy... Then I just hit up an old standby... Yahoo...So I looked up my horoscope... and it said (Gemini--)" You'll see signs of life in a relationship that you thought was dead and buried."

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? NO! I don't want signs of life. Iwant it dead and buried and burned to a crisp! lmao... Stuff like that really stirs me. blah... but I'm still cool... still resolved to move on w/ my life... annnnnnnnnnnd stil super excited about my 2009 :)

Feliz Navidad Honeys...

Ok where did my blog go??

Hi peeps-- I'm Jae-- It's always easier to blog as if I'm speaking to someone. Regardless to if I have a TRUE audience or not. If all else fails I suppose I DO have those voices in my head ( kidding)...

Soooo... Let me introduce myself... This is me...

I am 26 years young and... well... I'm kind of neurotic... I wear my HEART on my sleeve... Instead of RAMBLING ON AND ON about me... I'll do one of those STUPID ASS surveys that tells you alot of trivial things... HOPEFULLY, Tomorrow, I'll have something decent to add...

Actually--- I don't really feel like it tonight... lol So-- maybe tomorrow...

night night folks--

(By the way, I paid 1.47 for gas this afternoon... and um... It's now 1.39/gallon )-- THANK YOU G-DUB for finally releasing us from your OIL SLICKED grasps... lmao